Stuck in Hunger's Shadow
by Horologii
Summary: [AU Drabble] Naruto has known Hunger for so long, who will come along and rescue him? [ItachiNaru]


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**Stuck in Hunger's Shadow**

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**Pairing:** Itachi x Naruto

**Warning:** Shounen ai, Eating disorder issues

**Summary: (AU) (Drabble) Naruto has known Hunger for so long, who will come along and rescue him? ****ItachiNaru**

**Inspired by: **Reading the poem, "Hunger" by Laruence Binyon in English class, and always by my mindless thinking about weird situations

_Please forgive my bad usages of Japanese terms; I don't speak the language so I have almost no idea how to use them. _

_Disclaimer: Naruto and anything related does not belong to me. Don't sue. _

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"_I come among the people like a shadow.  
__I sit by each man's side._

_None sees me, but they look on one another,  
__And know that I am there._

_My silence is like the silence of the tide  
__That buries the playground of childen;_

_Like the deepening of frost in the slow night,  
__When birds are dead in the morning._

_Armies trample, invade, destroy,  
__With guns roaring from earth and air_

_Kings and chancellors give commands,  
__I give no command to any;_

_But I am listened to more than kings  
__And more than passionate orators._

_I unswear words and undo deeds.  
__Naked things know me._

_I am the first and last to be felt of the living.  
__I am Hunger"_

- Laurence Binyon ("Hunger")

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Naruto wondered why hunger loved him so much.

It seemed that every moment of his life, he has always been hungry. As a child, he couldn't ever get enough to eat, and was forever looking for more food to stuff down his throat. Eating was a way out of all the problems in reality. Naruto wasn't like Chouji, who ate and ate because he _enjoyed_ it. He wasn't at all particularly attached to eating, but he had always tried to get something to eat whenever he went anywhere. He would do anything to stop the emptiness gnawing at his stomach.

He was born hungry, is hungry, and will die hungry.

He has accepted that fact a long time ago, but now Hunger has done something different. As well as the emptiness, there is now also _pain_. A pain so powerful that it ached in his bones, resounded in his ears and made him feel light-headed. Worst of all, this pain was so intense that it reached his heart. It made his heart hurt, and feel like it was being broken in a thousand pieces, so easily. It was then that Naruto knew something was wrong.

It wasn't until his friend, Sakura-chan, had helpfully suggested it that he had begun to see clearly what was wrong. He had an eating problem. It wasn't all that hard to accept, and this had surprised both him and Sakura. Sakura-chan more than him though. She suggested that he see a friend of hers. And so he went, somewhat reluctantly.

He went to see the physiatrist she had recommended. He didn't like it at all. The shrink wasn't cold, and in fact he was quite the opposite. The smiling brown-haired man introduced himself as Iruka-sensei. He didn't try to force Naruto into doing anything. They just sat, and talked in a homely-seeming office. Naruto made more eye contact with the furniture than Iruka-sensei. The shrink was very proud of him, always congratulating him for making "excellent progress." Naruto hoped it didn't hurt sensei-san too much when he stopped going to their weekly sessions. Iruka-sensei couldn't understand, he though, he has never felt this immense pain before. And so he left, and things went back to the way they were.

Hunger welcomed him back with open arms.

He went back to feeling the emptiness, pain and a new emotion: relief. Hunger told him that he has been away for too long. He silently agreed. His heart was dead to him, but he no longer cared; anything as long as the pain would stop stabbing at his heart. He shrugged when he found this out. It was better this way, he decided, since he can no longer feel the terrible pain shooting through his already numbed heart.

It took Sakura-chan a few weeks to notice that something was wrong again. Iruka-sensei hadn't told her, just as he had promised a long time ago to Naruto. She turned hysterical, screaming that he was slowly killing himself. She screamed at him how thin he had become; how ghost-like, and how his voice no longer sounded like the happy blonde she knew before. When he said that he hadn't ever been happy, she broke out crying. Heavy and harsh sounding sobs racked her body as she buried her face in her hands. He sat there beside her and listened to her sobs as he ate like a starving animal. Then he excused himself to go to the bathroom. He didn't care whether or not she heard.

The food felt good leaving him. But as it flew through his throat, the Hunger came again. Its white hands held onto him as he wiped his face and stared, without really looking, at his reflection in the mirror. Hunger told him he needed more food, and so he listened; a thick, soft fog settling over his already cloudy mind.

Hunger was slowly ruining his life. He knew this fact without really registering it in his mind. He just really didn't care. Hunger was his life, is his life and _always will_ be his life.

Then Joy came to him so suddenly, lighting everything up. He had been in the dark for so long that he squinted his eyes and tried to run. He was protective at first, but Joy just as easily broke through his barrier as Hunger made him hide behind it. He was being torn in two. He couldn't stand it anymore, and out of one last act of desperation, Hunger made him spill out the entire story to Joy. A smirk lay on the unfeeling white face of Hunger as Naruto blurted out everything. It felt different than what he would do after a meal. This didn't give Hunger an excuse to cause him pain. This gave him a relief from the pain. Joy had stood there, staring at him. For the first time, in a long while, Naruto had felt fear; scared of losing something so important now.

For a spilt second, Naruto had considered giving all of himself to Hunger, but one single pure act Joy did had banished all such thoughts from his head. It wiped the smirk off Hunger's face instantly.

Joy had taken the blonde in his arms, and had kissed him. Joy had whispered three tiny words of hope to the blonde. Those three words were so powerful that they had shoved Hunger out of Naruto's life at the very moment they were spoken.

Hunger was furious. It rebelled and fought, but Naruto had already forgotten about Hunger. He had forgotten the emptiness, pain and temporary relief that was always too short to be considered a real emotion. He wanted to forget everything and start anew. Joy was there to help him.

For the first time since he could remember, Naruto felt _loved. _Joy had wrapped him in such a thick blanket of this raw feeling that it had drowned out all other worries. Hunger knew it had lost him, and with a vengeful mind, left. But not before giving one last _finale_.

Naruto felt all the emotions he had kept locked behind doors flooding towards him all at the same time. Every single one of them: confusion, emptiness, pain, sorrow, anger, hatred… It was enough that he wanted to drag the knife across his throat. Joy had caught him just time him though, wrenching the knife away and pulling him in close Hunger had tried to break the blonde that was no longer its, but Joy had stopped this heinous action. Naruto clung onto Joy until Hunger's _finale _had ended. Joy didn't mind one bit, and it was then that Naruto truly knew that he was loved. Joy had taken his numb heart into his caring hands.

It ached in his bones, resounded in his ears and made him feel light-headed. But now, instead of the emptiness, he felt full. For the first time in his life, Naruto felt blissfully full. He felt so full that he started to give away pieces of himself to Joy. Joy had accepted these pieces with gentleness.

He would sit with Joy watching the sunset, wrapped in his arms and breathing in the clear evening air. They would go firefly-catching at night. Somehow Naruto would always find his jar full, whether or not he caught any of the firebugs. Joy would smile at him, and deny his accusations were true. Naruto would then tackle Joy and they would tumble through the lush grass, and lay staring up at the starry sky a while later, entangled in each other's limbs. Joy loved to play with his hair, saying how it looked like golden silk spun out of sunbeams. Naruto loved to lay his head on Joy's chest, saying that he loved to know his heart beat in rhythm with Joy's own. That year was pure heaven to Naruto, who only knew of Hunger before. But now he knew so much more. He had Joy and he believed that he didn't – wouldn't – need anyone else.

Joy had a name of course. It was Uchiha Itachi. Naruto knew he was in love with his man, who seemed so cold on the outside, and yet was so tender with him. He loved his gentleness, he admired his determination, and he adored Itachi above all else. No one else could call him, "Naru-chan". That name coming out of Itachi's mouth felt like the warm hands of heaven caressing his face.

Naruto thought he would live together with Itachi forever, but one night had proved him wrong. It hurt so much to see his Joy lying there in the bleak hospital room. Blood-stained eyes gazed at him as Joy asked for one last favour.

"Anything," the blonde replied, desperation breaking his voice in two.

Joy smiled, and voiced his request. Then he whispered the same three tiny words that had saved Naruto long ago. A flawlessly tanned hand found its way into soft, pale ones and rose-coloured lips gently kissed his koi.

Then, his Joy- his Itachi – was gone.

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Hunger immediately came back soon after Joy was gone. It had a predator-smile on its face, as it tried to lure Naruto back to it. White, unfeeling hands brushed against him, causing old wounds to reopen. Naruto pushed the Hunger away, with more ease and confidence this time.

He was going to keep living, just was he promised his Joy, his Itachi, his hero, his saviour and his love.

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This was just a short drabble, with no actual plot line, or climax point. It was just something I had to get off my mind. Heh, I really should be studying for my English exam, but, oh that is just so….boring! Therefore, I wrote this instead. (-grins-)

Yes, Naruto is a **bulimic**. He eats ridiculously large amounts of food, and then throws it all back up immediately afterwards. Bulimics fear gaining weight, just like anorexics. They may starve themselves from time to time. Most are suffering from depression, low self esteem or other personal reasons to start a crash diet.

I'm toying with the idea of writing another story like this one, except it would be a Naruto x Sasuke pairing. (They fit so well together!) If you would like to read a story like this, or if you never, ever want it to exist, please tell me in your review.

-Horologii

p.s. Any suggestions? Comments? Any, at all? (-hopeful puppydog eyes-)


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